We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
