U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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