if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
