he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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