i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i would punch a child for taco bell
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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