Please, let me fuck your mom
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
