I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
