So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
