if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think I just sharted jello shots
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
