eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
