Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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