A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
