All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He shit in the fireplace
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
