I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize