Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
