Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
