I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
