she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
