the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
