so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
