With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
