You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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