Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
