Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
