I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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