i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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