DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
