I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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