I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
