i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
