they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
