you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
