the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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