just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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