so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You may now shotgun with the bride
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
