Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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