Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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