So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The uberlube is also flammable
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
