Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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