I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
this hospital has no fireball
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
