when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
