dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
