I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
