I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
