she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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