Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
