There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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