I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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