Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
