I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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