dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
