my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
