this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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