Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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