my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
