I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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