i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."