You really coming over, don't trick.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum