if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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