Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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