Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
