Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
