We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
