farters have to be the big spoon...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
