Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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