I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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