Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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