I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
