So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
