maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
