After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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