Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
