This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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